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Golf Jokes

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These golf jokes have been submitted to me. If you are interested in submitting a golf joke. Please e-mail me with your joke.

Golf Joke 1:

A fellow was dating a girl and the first time he went to her parents home she took him into the den where all her father's hunting trophies were displayed. There were deer antlers and bear heads all over the walls. The fellow said "Your father must be quite a
hunter!" Then he said "What are those 2 round white things on the mantle?"

She said "Those are daddy's golf balls".

About a week later the fellow was at her house again and he saw 4 round white things on the mantle, and said "I see your daddy must have shot another golf".

Golf Joke 2:

Stevie Wonder and Jack Nicklaus are in a bar. Nicklaus turns to Wonder and says: "How is the record business going?"

Stevie Wonder says: "Not too bad, the latest album has gone into the top 10, so all in all I think it is pretty good. By the way, how's the golf?"

Nicklaus replies: "Not too bad, I'm not winning as much as I used to but I'm still making a bit of money. I have had some problems with my swing but I think I've got that under control now."

Stevie Wonder says: "I always find that when my swing goes wrong I need to stop playing for a while and not think about it, then the next time I play it seems to be all right."

Jack Nicklaus says: "You play golf!?"

Stevie Wonder says: "Oh, I have been playing for years."

And Nicklaus says: "But I thought you were blind, how can you play golf if you are blind?"

He replies: "I get my caddy to stand in the middle of the fairway and he calls to me, I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball towards him, then when I get to where the ball lands the caddy moves to the green or further down the fairway and again I play the ball towards his voice."

"But how do you putt", says Nicklaus.

"Well", says Stevie, "I get my caddy to lean down in front of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground and I just play the ball towards his voice."

Nicklaus says: "What is your handicap."

Stevie says "Well, I play off scratch."

Nicklaus is incredulous and he says to Stevie, "We must play a game sometime."

Wonder replies: "Well people don't take me seriously so I only play for money, and I never play for less than $ 1,000 a hole."

Nicklaus thinks about it and says "OK, I'm up for that - when would you like to play?"

"Any night next week is ok with me."

Golf Joke 3:

A golfer stood over his tee shot for what seemed like an eternity. He was looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, and figuring out the wind direction and speed. He was driving his partner nuts.

Finally, his exasperated partner said, "What's taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!"

The guy answered, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot."

"Forget it man, you'll never hit her from here!"

Golf Joke 4:

Two Polish men were starting a round of golf together. On the first tee, the first guy smacked a beautiful drive down the center of the fairway. With a smile, he picked up the tee and walked to the cart.

The second guy cranked another good drive down the center of the fairway, Pleased, he hopped in the cart.

When they arrived to the golf balls, they noticed that they were 10 yds. apart.

"That's mine up there" said the first guy pointing to the ball closer to the green.

"No way, I out drove you easily" said the second guy. Before you know it, fists were flying. After a brief scuffle, the second guy stopped and said, "I know how we can solve this problem!"

"How?"

We will get the clubhouse pro out here!"

Sure enough, they drove back to the clubhouse and got him, dragged him out to the fairway. Studying the situation for a few minutes the pro finally said, "I know to solve this!"

"How" said the first guy?

"Yeah, How" yelled the second.

Replied the pro, "Who's hittin' the yellow ball?"

Golf Joke 5:

Moses, Jesus, and an old, bearded man were out playing golf one day. Moses pulled up to the tee and drove a long one. It landed in the fairway but rolled directly toward a water trap. Quickly Moses raised his club, the water parted and it rolled to the other side safe and sound.

Next, Jesus strolls up to the tee and hits a nice long one directly toward the same water trap. It landed directly in the center of the pond and kind of hovered over the water. Jesus casually walked out on the pond and chipped it up onto the green.

The third guy gets up and sort of randomly whacks the ball. It heads out over the fence and into oncoming traffic on a nearby street. It bounces off a truck and hits a nearby tree. From there it bounces onto the roof of a nearby shack and rolls down into the gutter, down the downspout, out onto the fairway and right toward the aforementioned pond. On the way to the pond, it hits a little stone and bounces out over the water and onto a lily pad where it rested quietly. Suddenly, a very large bullfrog jumped up on the lily pad and snatched the ball into his mouth. Just then, an eagle swooped down and grabbed the frog and flew away. As they passed over the green, the frog squealed with fright and dropped the ball which bounced right into the hole for a beautiful hole in one.

Moses then turned to Jesus and said, "I hate playing with your Dad."

Golf Joke 6:

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

Engineer: What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!

Doctor: I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!

Pastor: Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?

Greenskeeper: Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.

The group was silent for a moment.

Pastor: That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.

Doctor: Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them.

Engineer: Why can't these guys play at night?

   

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